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Choosing my seat on Obama’s bus

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By Ben Carlson

I voted eight times — I’ll explain that later — last Tuesday morning for McCain.

Needless to say I was disappointed that evening when Obama claimed victory and McCain accepted defeat.

Losing only matters, though, when you examine what went wrong and fix the errors of your ways.

Here’s where I went wrong.

I admit being a bit dubious at first about McCain, and was struggling to consider voting for him once, let alone eight times.

But then along came the bewitching and bespectacled Palin, whose beguiling wink and down-home charm had me and millions of other red-blooded American men all atwitter.

From that point on, I largely ignored Obama and his promised redistribution of wealth, chalking that plan up to the tired class-warfare tactics that have always fought for traction, only to slip when self-reliant rednecks like me smelled the reek of socialism.

Supply and demand, baby, that’s always been my motto.

Now that I’m over my disappointment, I’ve had a chance to think clearly about redistribution and have had an epiphany, of sorts. Redistribution, like capitalism, includes the basic tenants of supply and demand. For either to work, people have to demand something, and others must supply it.

In Obama’s redistribution plan there must be people on the demand end, otherwise Obama will have nowhere to send the money he confiscates from people on the supply end.

See?

My eight votes for McCain notwithstanding, I’ve weighed both sides of Obama’s redistribution ledger and have opted to choose a seat on the demand side of his bus.

It’s not an easy choice, but one I’m willing to make to support the president-elect and give his policies a chance to succeed.

For starters, I’ve decided against enrolling to keep my health insurance, which will expire Dec. 31 if I don’t. It’s a bit of a gamble because Obama doesn’t take office until Jan. 20, but it’s a 20-day risk I’m willing to take to save nearly $4,000 in the coming year.

I know you think that’s silly, but I’m taking Obama at his word. He said time and again that when he becomes president, the uninsured will be covered. Besides, the coverage will be oodles better than what I currently have. If memory serves, he said I’ll have the same coverage he and Biden have as U.S. senators, remember?

If you think my plan’s too risky, I suggest you look deep inside your soul and ask yourself why you think Obama lied. You might not like what you see.

To further my status on the demand side of the bus, I’ve decided to stop paying my mortgage, beginning Jan. 1.

You say crazy, I say brilliant!

Obama made it clear during his campaign that those struggling to keep their homes will be helped. Come May I figure I’ll be right on the verge of being evicted. But by then, Obama will have been in office for five months, surely more than enough time to have in place his plan to make sure those of us on the demand side can’t lose our homes by not making our payments. At a minimum, I’m certain to at least get a do-over and start fresh, right?

During those five months, I figure to squirrel away thousands I’d have wasted on mortgage payments. Add those thousands to the $4,000 I’ll save next year on health insurance, and I’ll have a tidy nest egg of better than 10 grand.

But will I sink that money into my 401k or let it roost in a savings or checking account?

No way, dude. That’s mattress money.

If Obama finds out I’m sitting on that kind of dough, I’m afraid he’ll grab me by the ear like a bus driver scolding a reticent child and make me move to a seat on the supply side.

I’ve sat on that side for the first 45 years of my life, and have no intention of going back there now.

Now about those eight votes. That really happened, but don’t waste your indignant time calling the board of elections. I’ve already ratted myself out, and did so last Tuesday morning.

What happened was that I voted on one of the new machines, which stink, by the way. Each time I voted for president and turned the dial, the president screen returned and I was able to vote again.

After six times, I asked the poll workers for help. They watched me vote twice more for McCain before the machine worked properly and allowed me to vote in other races.

How I voted in those races is none of your business.

E-mail Ben Carlson at bcarlson@theandersonnews.com.